Looking back on my very first Christmas as a single parent, I remember when it hit me I would be spending my Christmas Eve alone. Not only had my ex-husband taken so many things from me during our marriage, my happiness, my sanity, and my time, now he had taken my holiday’s with my children as well. Sure, I was the one who wanted the divorce, but that didn’t mean I was ready to be alone for Christmas Eve. I was devastated.
As I sat in my bedroom after my four children left, I was having a pity party, wondering what I was going to do by myself. You see, for the last fourteen years, the six of us had spent Christmas together with his family. Now it was just the five of them and I was home, alone.
I was contemplating my life, when I decided to turn on the tv and the old classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life” was just coming on the tv. Sitting in the room, tears slowly coming down, I watched as George Bailey contemplated his life. I thought about my own and I realized I was at a crucible in my life. I could spend my time crying about my children being gone and the past, or I could make a choice to create a new tradition for the holiday’s.
I made a choice that very moment, along with good old George Bailey, I was going to 
appreciate every moment life gives me. I started by pouring myself a glass of wine, pulling out my foot spa, and I began to pamper myself in ways I never could with four children present. I got out the junk food I usually didn’t get to eat because the kids usually wanted it all before I could get a bite. Let me tell you, I ate all of the candy that night! It was wonderful!
By the time their daddy dropped them off at 11:30 pm, I felt amazing and so pampered. It was in that moment a new Christmas Eve Tradition for me was birthed. Since that year in 2004, I have created some of the best recipes for my junk food for that evening. I have 
moved up to having a fun mimosa with the best Champagne as my drink for the night.
We are often faced with adversity and change as single parents, they can often overwhelm us and we want to curl up in a ball and cry. But we can’t do that, we have to find better ways to cope, ways which empower us to be stronger and better example’s for our children.
My kids felt bad leaving me on the first Christmas Eve, they knew mommy was sad, but after the first year, they knew mommy wanted her time to herself. 
So they didn’t feel guilty about enjoying their time celebrating. I had to be strong for my children and I
May you find your strength this Holiday Season and don’t forget to pamper yourself. You deserve it.
Marsha L. Brown
Once you become a single parent, you realize even more how hard it is to live up to the expectations of society’s idea of what love cost’s. We think if we are not buying our children everything their friends have, then we are failing as parents. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, which doesn’t help us parent.
If you make it a point to have quality time with your children, they will never notice how much money you spend on them this Christmas. They will be telling their friends how amazing their parent is because they enjoy spending time with you. If you give your child your time, you are giving them the greatest gift of all. It is more valuable than anything you could buy at the mall.
We had some of the best times, hanging out on my bed, laughing, joking around, talking, being silly, telling each other our hopes and dreams, our goals for the future. These are the memories you can’t buy, the things they will take with them when they grow up and have families of their own.
Mine were! If they are older, explain to them that money is tight and you need to go easy on presents this year. Kids are great, they understand a lot more than we give them credit for.
Single Parent Support Network 